Bar @ Hockey Rink

I'm drinking at the bar by myself and these two twenty-something-yr-old girls are both down at the end of the bar texting people. I sit next to them, pretending to frantically text away..
Fat girl: "Oh look, he's mocking us"
Hot girl (disinterested): "Who is?"
Fat girl (pointing) "This guy."
Me: "Nah, I'm not mocking anyone. No, no way"
(Awkward pause)

Me: "This is a picture of my puppy"
Fat girl: "Awww. He's adorable. I love yellow labs."
Hot girl: "I just put my labrador down. His name was Charlie"
Me: "Wow. Thanks for depressing the shit out of all of us"
(the phone of Hot girl rings)
Me: "Hey, why dont you answer your phone while we all stand here and cry"
Hot girl (speaking into phone): "Hang on just one second. (speaking to me): Hey, you're an ASSHOLE"
Me: "THAT'S where you're wrong! My wife says I have asshole 'TENDENCIES'." And I'm impressed it only took you a minute to figure that out. You're really not as dumb as you look."