Male Cheerleader Wants to Dance with Girls -Seattle Post Intelligencer
"Suzanne Grundy says 'the combination of a bi-racial, mentally challenged gay male may be too much for them.'"
Some jokes just write themselves...
Showing posts with label Headline News. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Headline News. Show all posts
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Stickin' it to Your Employees
See, when I first HEARD this story, I naturally assumed they were speaking metaphorically. Just another case of a hard working Malaysian getting fucked by his supervisor. And the ex-employee is now suing the corporation (Nike) for wrongful termination, defamation of character, or more likely, working 140 hours a week with no OT, benefits, or running water. Surely nobody can work under those conditions! I hope that tiny Malaysian sues the HELL out of them!!
Malaysian Claims he was Screwed by Boss
Well now that I've READ the piece, I think it's absolutely hilarious that the Malaysian Premier is charged with ACTUALLY sodomizing a former campaign worker. Think about THAT the next time you feel you may hate your job. At least your boss is not fucking you in the ass! (although it sure felt like it yesterday)
Malaysian Claims he was Screwed by Boss
Well now that I've READ the piece, I think it's absolutely hilarious that the Malaysian Premier is charged with ACTUALLY sodomizing a former campaign worker. Think about THAT the next time you feel you may hate your job. At least your boss is not fucking you in the ass! (although it sure felt like it yesterday)
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Weight Watchers and Load-Bearing Floors
Weight Watchers Floor Collapses During Weigh-In
Are you fucking kiddin' me? Did this seriously happen? Did these people all die? Not from the fall, but from intolerable humility. How did any ONE of these fat bastards NOT kill themselves after this happened? Wow, the entire floor of a large assembly room within the clinic gave out under the strain of a Weight Watchers group.
You would think a six-thousand square-foot floor could hold say, more than the TWENTY FUCKIN' PEOPLE this weight watchers club had in attendance that evening!! Is land simply not strong enough to hold these people anymore? What the hell are we going to do with them? We could put 'em on Royal Caribbean's mammoth Oasis of the Seas as apparently sea water is the only thing that will keep these fat fucks aloft.
Well now I"M pissed off because we just gave those modern-day tree-huggers, the global warming assholes, more ammunition. And THATS when the shit starts affecting me! Well, we just raised the Earth's sea-level another 3 fuckin' feet, that's how!! "Oh no, he's spraying his aerosol deoderant while driving his 8 cylinder Escalade", they whine. How have these people not been harpooned by now? (the people in the boat trying to save the whales. The whales in the water, not the whales in the boat)
So COME ON fat people!! When Jenny Craig says, "Get on board", she's not talkin' about dragging your fat asses onto the Lard Boat for a cruise. Drop some weight, or have elective surgery, but for Godsakes change your physical appearance because we're just flat out tired of looking at you!!
Editor's note: Always go with your gut because your douchebag friends will, without a doubt, always fuck you up, "I know for a FACT, that Oasis is Carnival's ship"! Thanks Dwayne... douchebag
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/34881925/ns/health-diet_and_nutrition/
www.huffingtonpost.com//weight-watchers-clinic
Are you fucking kiddin' me? Did this seriously happen? Did these people all die? Not from the fall, but from intolerable humility. How did any ONE of these fat bastards NOT kill themselves after this happened? Wow, the entire floor of a large assembly room within the clinic gave out under the strain of a Weight Watchers group.
You would think a six-thousand square-foot floor could hold say, more than the TWENTY FUCKIN' PEOPLE this weight watchers club had in attendance that evening!! Is land simply not strong enough to hold these people anymore? What the hell are we going to do with them? We could put 'em on Royal Caribbean's mammoth Oasis of the Seas as apparently sea water is the only thing that will keep these fat fucks aloft.
Well now I"M pissed off because we just gave those modern-day tree-huggers, the global warming assholes, more ammunition. And THATS when the shit starts affecting me! Well, we just raised the Earth's sea-level another 3 fuckin' feet, that's how!! "Oh no, he's spraying his aerosol deoderant while driving his 8 cylinder Escalade", they whine. How have these people not been harpooned by now? (the people in the boat trying to save the whales. The whales in the water, not the whales in the boat)
So COME ON fat people!! When Jenny Craig says, "Get on board", she's not talkin' about dragging your fat asses onto the Lard Boat for a cruise. Drop some weight, or have elective surgery, but for Godsakes change your physical appearance because we're just flat out tired of looking at you!!
Editor's note: Always go with your gut because your douchebag friends will, without a doubt, always fuck you up, "I know for a FACT, that Oasis is Carnival's ship"! Thanks Dwayne... douchebag
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/34881925/ns/health-diet_and_nutrition/
www.huffingtonpost.com//weight-watchers-clinic
Monday, January 18, 2010
Tiger Woods in Trading Places
Can't you people see what's going on here? The whole fuckin' Tiger Woods thing is just a $1 bet that the two most powerful men in golf wagered over a decade ago. One of the two, Calvin Peete (Calvin Peete?) played the part of Mortimer Duke while Arnold Palmer (Black Golf Hall of Fame member since '86) played brother Randolph.
Palmer stated, "I bet you we can turn that guy into the world's richest, most succesful golfer. He'd have everything a brother could want, right down to a Swedish-model wife. He just COULDN'T fuck that up"! Calvin Peete was like "Shiiiiiiiitt, how much you got says THAT nigga be fuckin' white bitches within a YEAR of reachin' the top!?! What do you say Arnie, care to make the usual bet?"
Editors Note: The story only works b/c Calvin Peete said, "Nigga". The term is only acceptable if used properly by a golfer of the same ethnicity.
Palmer stated, "I bet you we can turn that guy into the world's richest, most succesful golfer. He'd have everything a brother could want, right down to a Swedish-model wife. He just COULDN'T fuck that up"! Calvin Peete was like "Shiiiiiiiitt, how much you got says THAT nigga be fuckin' white bitches within a YEAR of reachin' the top!?! What do you say Arnie, care to make the usual bet?"
Editors Note: The story only works b/c Calvin Peete said, "Nigga". The term is only acceptable if used properly by a golfer of the same ethnicity.
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Mr Gay China
I just watched this piece of news on LOGO this evening...
Coming up on PerezHilton TV: we'll take you behind the scenes during filming of : Behind Every Good Man is a Few Good Men. Co-Anchors Rachel Maddow and Anderson Cooper sit down for an explicit two-on-one with Samantha Ronson. Ellen Degeneres opens up to Shepherd Smith for the first time about her powerful addiction to pussy. Jr Correspondent Ryan Seacrest will show you never-before-seen photos of the reception INSIDE Elton John's coastal hideaway. Field correspondent Stuart Little will bring you all the dirt from INSIDE Richard Gere while health specialist Sanjay Gupta tells you why inserting a mouse as a sensible substitute can KEEP you looking fabulous. Then, in the first of seven two-minute reports lasting 20 seconds, Sr Correspondent Carlos Diaz will take us inside...over and over and over again.
But first, our own Tom Cruise is in China tonight, Tom?
"Carrie, organizers here cancelled the first Mr. Gay China pageant only an hour before the parade was set to begin when Chinese officials claimed they lacked the necessary permits. 50 finalists vying for the spectacularly-decorated crown were readying back stage when eight uniformed police officers walked into Assless Chap Charlie's and shut down the event. Confusion reigned as the contestants thought the police officers were actually strippers and a no-holes-barred free-for-all ensued. Celebrity blogger and honorary emcee of the event, Wang Hilton was not hurt in the melee that took place here in the deepest, darkest, uncomfortable part of Beijing. In the end Carrie, 49 of the 50 contestants were arrested this afternoon so SOMEONE in the pokey's sleepin single and it ain't THIS China doll!!...aheh aheh aheh"
Thank you Tom. Now, how will all this impact Disney's long-planned theme park just outside of Shanghai and will the government shut down Disney Gay Day China as well? Who will be that galvanizing force the world can rally around? Who will address the masses in front of the thousands of cameras, microphones, and watchful eyes of casting agents. Will it be Nathan Lane we see? Will it be Neil Patrick Harris commanding your attention in a satiny little number from Justice? Or will we finally see Lance Bass rise to prominence as the voice of fairness, reason, and equality for everyone? One thing's for certain, we're all watching how you handle Gay Days over there in China Premier Jiabao, we're ALL watching.
For the entire crew, I'm Carrie Prejean and that's what "I think that I believe". This has been a Robertson-Limbaugh production.
Coming up on PerezHilton TV: we'll take you behind the scenes during filming of : Behind Every Good Man is a Few Good Men. Co-Anchors Rachel Maddow and Anderson Cooper sit down for an explicit two-on-one with Samantha Ronson. Ellen Degeneres opens up to Shepherd Smith for the first time about her powerful addiction to pussy. Jr Correspondent Ryan Seacrest will show you never-before-seen photos of the reception INSIDE Elton John's coastal hideaway. Field correspondent Stuart Little will bring you all the dirt from INSIDE Richard Gere while health specialist Sanjay Gupta tells you why inserting a mouse as a sensible substitute can KEEP you looking fabulous. Then, in the first of seven two-minute reports lasting 20 seconds, Sr Correspondent Carlos Diaz will take us inside...over and over and over again.
But first, our own Tom Cruise is in China tonight, Tom?
"Carrie, organizers here cancelled the first Mr. Gay China pageant only an hour before the parade was set to begin when Chinese officials claimed they lacked the necessary permits. 50 finalists vying for the spectacularly-decorated crown were readying back stage when eight uniformed police officers walked into Assless Chap Charlie's and shut down the event. Confusion reigned as the contestants thought the police officers were actually strippers and a no-holes-barred free-for-all ensued. Celebrity blogger and honorary emcee of the event, Wang Hilton was not hurt in the melee that took place here in the deepest, darkest, uncomfortable part of Beijing. In the end Carrie, 49 of the 50 contestants were arrested this afternoon so SOMEONE in the pokey's sleepin single and it ain't THIS China doll!!...aheh aheh aheh"
Thank you Tom. Now, how will all this impact Disney's long-planned theme park just outside of Shanghai and will the government shut down Disney Gay Day China as well? Who will be that galvanizing force the world can rally around? Who will address the masses in front of the thousands of cameras, microphones, and watchful eyes of casting agents. Will it be Nathan Lane we see? Will it be Neil Patrick Harris commanding your attention in a satiny little number from Justice? Or will we finally see Lance Bass rise to prominence as the voice of fairness, reason, and equality for everyone? One thing's for certain, we're all watching how you handle Gay Days over there in China Premier Jiabao, we're ALL watching.
For the entire crew, I'm Carrie Prejean and that's what "I think that I believe". This has been a Robertson-Limbaugh production.
(Fast Facts: Gay Day China is far cheaper than Gay Days produced in Anaheim or Orlando. But parade-goers are warned not to put anything from Gay Day China in your mouth as it may contain high levels of Freddie Mercury)
Chinese Gay Pageant - NY Times
Gay Teen Worried he may be Christian - The Onion
Chinese Gay Pageant - NY Times
Gay Teen Worried he may be Christian - The Onion
Friday, January 15, 2010
Spaced Cowboys
NASA found cocaine in a facility that houses the space shuttle Discovery and is now launching an investigation instead of a shuttle! Why are the drug cartels so far ahead of the authorities? Let me tell you what the investigation is going to uncover:
The South American cartels are now moving the shit thru the Russian space program, paying the government large sums of money to do so. The Russians (in desperate need of money in a faltering economy) store the coke in the International Space Station until the American astronauts arrive. The "docking station" is where the interplanetary drop takes place. The coke is loaded aboard one of NASA's shuttles (usually the shuttle Columbian) and brought back to the sandy shores of Florida by rogue Mission Specialists. Let's see the US Coast Guard try and board a fuckin' space shuttle with search dogs!
And before you say, "there's no way American astronauts are crazy enough to be drug mules", I submit to you the insane Houston-to-Orlando diaper-wearing astronaut Lisa Nowak. She was only plotting to kidnap and MURDER her coworker. You really think all that was about a bizarre love triangle? No way, that was a drug deal gone bad. You boil a rabbit in someone's kitchen in a love triangle, but you fuckin' put two in the back of the head if they cross you on a coke deal. Flores para las muertas, puta!!!
NASA's Smugglers Blues - Huffington Post
The South American cartels are now moving the shit thru the Russian space program, paying the government large sums of money to do so. The Russians (in desperate need of money in a faltering economy) store the coke in the International Space Station until the American astronauts arrive. The "docking station" is where the interplanetary drop takes place. The coke is loaded aboard one of NASA's shuttles (usually the shuttle Columbian) and brought back to the sandy shores of Florida by rogue Mission Specialists. Let's see the US Coast Guard try and board a fuckin' space shuttle with search dogs!
And before you say, "there's no way American astronauts are crazy enough to be drug mules", I submit to you the insane Houston-to-Orlando diaper-wearing astronaut Lisa Nowak. She was only plotting to kidnap and MURDER her coworker. You really think all that was about a bizarre love triangle? No way, that was a drug deal gone bad. You boil a rabbit in someone's kitchen in a love triangle, but you fuckin' put two in the back of the head if they cross you on a coke deal. Flores para las muertas, puta!!!
NASA's Smugglers Blues - Huffington Post
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