Obama Gives Haitian Kids A Tweet

"After leaving one station where workers monitored Twitter messages, Obama said he had just "tweeted." He said it was the first time he had done so." -The Washington Post

Now what the Associated Press didn't report was the actual message itself. Fortunately, here at the god-if-this-doesn't-just-scream-hire-me Onion News Network, we happen to have the actual message relayed by President Obama. It reads as follows:

"Children of little #Haiti (am I really in Miami?), do not let the scariness of that little earthquake shake you like that little earthquake shook you.  I 2, know what it's like to grow up in a rough neighborhood. The streets of Papau New Guinea were not paved with gold either, my brother's orphaned children. Life is filled with difficult decisions that we all must make. I made my share.  Like which variety of fruit juice to have after breakfast, or which pair of beach sandals I should wade into the ocean with, or ... ahh screw it, we just lost Massachusetts and I got bigger problems than rebuilding a 3rd world country in the western hemisphere!!"

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/01/19/AR2010011901414.html